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Is Court a Good Idea?
You are separating from your spouse. Your world seems to be coming to an end. You are getting all kinds of advice as to what to do and WHAT NOT TO DO! You are feeling vulnerable.
You go to see a lawyer about your problems.
Hiring an experienced family lawyer to help you with your problems is usually a good idea. Not all experienced family lawyers are created equal, however. Here are a couple things you need to know.
Most family law breakdowns do not need to go to court. Court is very expensive, very slow, and will usually result in a one size fits all solution, which probably neither you nor your spouse will be happy with. Court should really be a last result, not the first thing that you do.
Why is your Choice of Lawyer Important in Family Law
If you tell other people that you are separating, or separated, they will give you lots of advice, much of it unsolicited, ill informed, and downright wrong, even if well-meaning. You will discover that you are not alone, in that many other persons have gone through the same thing that you are going through. You will hear horror stories, and also stories that sound too good to be true.
You will often hear that you have to get the toughest, meanest, lawyer that you can find. They will tell you who they think are the toughest, meanest lawyers around.
Before you follow their recommendations, stop, and think a bit more. Most people who have gone through separations are feeling wounded. They often feel they were treated unfairly by the law, by their lawyers, or by the courts. Their anger and feelings of injustice colour their objectivity, even though their tales are often useful learning experiences.
It is critical at this point to remember that your partner is probably going through a very similar experience to you. If you have children, they are also afraid that they will lose their children, or not be able to see them, or have to pay large amounts of money to you. They usually want what is best for the children, even if they are often not totally sure what this means. They are likely feeling sad, scared, angry, confused, and threatened. They are afraid of leaving the relationship with nothing but the shirt on their back.
Remember that the person you used to live with, love, and share everything with, is still a human being, with feelings and emotions. You may have once cared about this person, and may still care about this person. You and your former partner probably still share concerns and interests at this point, much as you may hate each other. This is why it is important to be careful about your approach to your partner after you separate. Attacking your partner will feed their anger, increase their fear, and usually cause them to counterattack. This usually will set off a process of reaction and counter-reaction, fed by your ever-increasing anger towards each other, which will likely destroy everything in its wake, including your money, your children, and often your mental health. It will usually pull you into the court system, which can be expensive, painful, and slow.